Points for Parents Newsletter:
Second Issue
PARENTS RULE
Kids may rock, but parents rule!
Do you ever struggle with setting limits for your children? They’re so cute. So talented. So full of potential. What can you say? They rock!
Helping children become rock-solid adults, however, requires parents to rule.
All children, including our most precious ones, get out-of-hand sometimes. They push the boundaries with adults. Yes. Kids will be kids, and pushing the boundary is what they do. It’s an important part of how they learn what is expected of them—and what they can expect from themselves! When our children do get out of line, we are tested as parents. The question is:
Do we have what it takes to draw the line—and hold it?
Excerpts from the article below, by James Lehman, author of The Total Transformation program, raise several key issues that are bound to hit home.
Your Child is Not Your Equal:
Why You Have to Be the Boss
As a parent, if you aren’t the boss in your family, the lines of
authority can become blurred very quickly. When your children
are unsure about who's really in charge, they often act out,
engage in risky behavior, or become extremely bossy and
patronizing as a result. And eventually you start to resent them
because you don't have a way to tell them what to do. You’ve effectively lost control.
One of the ways you can lose your status as a parent very quickly is to act like a child.
Many parents also want to be their child's friend—they don’t like the idea of being the boss at all. The major problem with this approach is that a friend is non-judgmental, and friendships are egalitarian. In my opinion, your child’s role simply isn’t equal to yours—as a parent, you have to make judgments and be in charge because otherwise, no one will be.
Soft Choices and Hard Choices:
4 Areas Where Parents Need to Have the Ultimate Decision
Many parents encourage their kids to participate in family decisions, and I personally think that’s a good thing to do. Don't forget, when you're raising your child, one of the things you want them to learn is how to be independent. In fact, studies have shown that the more independent kids are, the better chances they’ll have of making choices in their lives in ways that increase the likelihood of success in life.
So the way you develop independence in your children is by letting them make choices and encouraging their participation. It’s natural for kids to start thinking they have a say in everything when you parent this way, unless you are clear about the choices you’re giving them.
… Just remember, there are things kids can have a voice in, but not the final choice of.
In my opinion, parents have the ultimate say-so on these 4 things:
- Safety
- Health Issues
- Performance
- Preparation for Adulthood
You can say to your child, “Listen, these are the areas where I'm in charge—it’s not a subject of debate. We can talk about things, but I have the final say-so and that's the way it has to be. That's my role; I'm the parent.”
So you make the decision on whether or not your daughter can go out until midnight. You make the decision whether or not your son is doing enough homework and chores, and if his grades are acceptable. You make the decisions about what's healthy and not healthy for all your kids. You make these decisions because you’re in charge taking care of your family to the best of your ability.
